i cannot wait for the next two weeks to be over. but i have so much shit to do til then: two long ass research papers, a short(er) paper, and four exams. the mac miller concert is next tuesday, and my dad is coming next wednesday to get as much of my shit as he can. and when i finally get home, my parents won’t even be there. so i’ll have the house to myself. i need to get my shit organized and since no one has fucking called me, i’ll go to the lake and apply to some places around there. it would actually be kinda cool to get a job and work around deep creek all summer. oh and i got a single room for next year. in sullivan with megan. which is good. i kinda want to move in now.

why do i have to be like this.

like at all.

nothing is okay.

i am in disbelief.

bad things keep happening to me, and sure, i guess it’s all stuff that i could have prevented, but it feels so unfair. like why me. and i hate having to tell my parents because i just feel like they’re becoming increasingly disappointed with me. and i feel like shit. and i’m scared that i’m never going to find a summer job or that i’m going to fail college or something.

hi hello there’s definitely
something wrong with me.

i’ve recently decided that if i have to stay at wilkes, it won’t be the end of the world. because i’m already established here and i can request a single room again (or live with megan) and it will be fine. sure, i would love to save on tuition and live with mitchell and be closer to home, but if i don’t get into towson, i think that’ll be okay, too.

condemn my race to genocide if it meant that i could lay with you. i’d listen to a piercing squeal on a loop to make this real with you. forfeit grandma’s civil rights if it meant i‘d save the life of you. i’d spit upon a bible, dear, if it meant i’d stay right here with you. anything for you. i’d do anything for you.

what constitutes depression?